i cannot remember ever waking up more scared. as i had been sleeping the voice inside my radio alarm had been talking about something but the words did not shake me from my slumber. the words, "plane crash and world trade center" didn't seem to make any sense. only after i got a call on my cell phone did i fully comprehend what had happened this morning-- a terrorist group had hijacked multiple planes crashing them into the world trade center and the pentagon.

my thoughts immediately went to my cousin, patricia, who i had ran into outside her workplace randomly last summer, outside the world trade center. shocked and stunned, i didn't even want to call her home to ask if she was ok. i didn't want to have to ask my aunt if she was safe-- she had to be safe, right? things like this don't hurt those that we love. as i started to watch the television coverage i started to think about all of my friends who had moved to new york. certainly they would not be involved-- they didn't work in that district, right?

but you can never be sure about how cruel fate can be. one by one i received calls from friends asking about other friends-- asking for phone numbers, sharing good news-- it appears that my friends were safe. my dad raised up the courage to call my cousin's home and we were ecstatic to hear her voice. she had the good fortune of being on vacation this week. i haven't felt so lucky in a long, long time.

emails from former coworkers and friends depict scary stories of chaos and damage that are unbelievable. for some reason i don't find myself consumed in anger-- instead i find myself filled with concern and with shock. almost like a child in disbelief. i have been on 7 different airplane flights in 3 weeks-- i could have been on one of those flights. i don't know if things will ever be the same for me again. this really places things in perspective.